Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching. I’m just talking about life in general. As I get older, I often wonder why I was not informed that life is a b*&^*.
No like a REAL B&*&^
Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for every moment every day but what does it all mean?
In September of 2013, I lost a very significant person in my life. My cousin/ best friend died in child birth at the age of 25. Her birthday was May 18th and for the first time in my life, I felt completely mortal. She would have been 26 but instead, she isn’t here. It was a very hard day for me. I cried on and off because it doesn’t seem real. I don’t look at it as if she died, I look at it as though I just won’t be seeing her for a long time because my mind can’t wrap it’s self around the concept of her death
We don’t know when we will leave here.
We don’t know how long we have.
We don’t know what it all means sometimes.
But what have we accomplished while we are here?
I often look at the obsession that we all seem to have with filthy lucre and I ask myself, for what? Why are we all so eager to make a dollar? I have my reasons, you guys have your reasons but who will remember our reasons? Just seems to me that we are engulfed in the wrong things sometimes.
I spend a lot of time on twitter and FB talking to my followers, working from home, working out and everything else but what does life mean to me in the end? What did life mean to her?
I look back on the time that i had with her and I am forever grateful for it but I also ask myself what significant impact am I making on this world now.
See until her, i never really experienced death.
You ever felt like your heart was ripped out your body and you watched somebody run over it? You breath harder, you think more, you cry thinking that person will come back if you shed enough tears but the cut becomes so deep that in order for you not to feel anything you must block it out because you can’t cut the feeling off. Just act like its a long dream
That’s what i felt .. or should I say feel
I never really appreciated life i guess because in my mind, she would always be here. We are too young die right?
In my mind she still is here.
I don’t say this to induce a pity party or evoke sympathy, i say this because it made me look at life and death completely different.
I want to make a mark on this world.
I want to inspire somebody, I want to help people. This selfish bubble that we all live in is just that, a selfish. You have yours, I have mine, get it how you live basically. How is that anyway to live?
I want to be the light of the world because then at least I will know that my life meant something, that I was here for a reason and not just a passing wind.
Words are here as long as time is here and hopefully my words fall on ears and speaks to someone’s soul.
This is my platform, this is my soap box. I say what i feel and I have been a lot more verbal about the things I feel lately on social media but this…,this blog… these are my words. This is where I try my best to inspire and encourage.
I do hope i am succeeding and when I am gone, I hope that you all will remember me as a giver of light, a giver of inspiration, a giver of meaning.
Death has no age limit
I understand that now more than ever.