How My Man Feels About Natural Hair…….. PT. 2

Ok ladies, yall had the chance to state and voice your views on how yall feel about his opinion, well it’s his turn to take the floor…….

 

Firstly, if you laughed throughout the previous article, pat yourself on the back. You have a sense of humor!

I’m afraid that in a quest to find their natural selves; some of these women have mixed and lost their self-worth in their hair. It would seem some of you have become close-minded to the very thing you accuse me of being close-minded about. If someone doesn’t wholly believe in natural hair, you scream witch, tossing weaves and wigs upon kindled fire while waiting for the individual to be burned at stake! If a bended knee isn’t taking to the natural hair altar, you wish him stoned!?  What is this, The Crusades?

I’m led to believe that some of you think if a man doesn’t love your hair, he doesn’t love you. If your hairstyle is the foundation of your relationship, I pity you. Is your relationship therapist your hair stylist? Is your favorite hair product your god? (I’m only dramatizing for emphasis.) Are you not more than your hair, permed or natural?

Besides, if you’re looking for a “Man” who totally agrees with everything you do good luck with that! Or maybe the confusion is in the definition? There’s a difference in being supportive and being docile. Let’s be honest. How many of you want a man who doesn’t challenge you mentally? What about spiritually? But then you expect him not to have an opinion on physical matters, sending him into timeout if he dares speak in opposition? Unrealistic! Me supporting the natural hair movement (and I mean financially) and having a different hair preference is as simple as me liking the woman but not liking the dress, or the shoes, or the nail color, etc. That doesn’t measure her worth to me, neither is she defined by it. It’s a dress! It’s only a matter of taste and style. I don’t mean to be offensive, but if that’s how your man is, who’s really the “Man” in the relationship? Who’s eating the cake Anne Mae? (That’s a joke btw)

And to be honest some of the “Love me or Leave me alone” views are why so many women have been done just that and Left Alone! If a man approaches you with the same views you’d call him a dog, misogynistic and chauvinistic. How stubborn and arrogant is that train of thought? I’m not saying one should toss their beliefs asides for the sake of acceptance, but if you let a good man go because he doesn’t like (but is willing to tolerate) your hair, (let me articulate this right… -clears throat-) you S.T.U.P.I.D.!

Lastly, I don’t know how it became a topic of race. I’ve seen women of every race whose hair I wasn’t fond of at some point; “Asian” hair is just my way of saying straight and silky. This is all too possible with natural hair. I’ve seen it with my own eyes! [Gabby cue the link] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_EaMZtg1n0

But since the race subject did come up, let’s delve into it shall we. I find it arrogant, ironic and downright two-faced that some readers say that because of these “black man” views they don’t date African American men. Well isn’t that the Uncle Tom calling the kettle black. My preference is simply one of style, while yours is lifestyle and I’m wrong? You’ve already bought into the social stereotype of what “Black” men are, dated/ or married outside your race, yet speak “Pro-Black” (with finger snapping n neck rolling included), yet your lifestyle is contrary. I bet you still believe the white man’s ice is always colder huh? Notice my gf is a natural hair wearing Afro-American! =P

So my question is this: should I love you all and hate all the other African-American women who don’t have natural hair? See the beauty of opinion, preference, and simply choice is I can love both types of woman, and not like the hair.

It’s a preference, humans have it, you have, and I have it. So relax (No pun intended)! You can cut the Angela Davis antics! It’s cool though, I don’t blame you all. I blame Tyler Perry!

In short, love your hair, but don’t become defined by it. And with that being said… She without sin cast the first bottle of perm! (I don’t know how it fits but I think it’s funny!)

– Sincerely, Gabby’s Angry Black Man.

SEE ALSO: How I Helped My Client Regrow Her Edges In 6 - 7 Months!

 

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45 Comments

  1. lol “Blame Tyler Perry!”
    This was a wonderful response to those really rude comments left on the last post and it just brings it back to one simple point: It’s JUST hair. Dead strands sprouting from one’s scalp! Sure, hair has been used as a form of racial divide (and still is, in certain cases) but at the end of the day, who are we to judge those relax their hair? Kudos to LHDC2011’s link by the way. Her hair is fabulous 😀 Preference is relative and should be kept that way. 🙂

    1. it might just be hair to you but it’s not so for everyone. It’s inconsiderate to judge people’s reactions and attitude with hair when you have not had the same experiences they have had and are not the same person. Vice versa, someone who feels it’s not just hair cannot tell you to accept that it is something more than that. This is a touchy subject and a new frontier for the black community so we all need to be considerate of each other.

      1. I didn’t say it was a fact, but just a point. An ideal on the vast spectrum of viewpoints when it comes to hair. Personally, I am a natural (mostly 4b) but I don’t go around bad-mouthing those who relax their hair. I place a lot of importance on my hair and I personally would never go back to relaxers, based on the deeper, cultural issues. I’m saying that I see both sides of the spectrum and that I don’t take too much offense to someone who simply has another opinion than my own.

  2. Kudos to him…loved his comments and his sense of humor…..sometimes natural headed women are just over dramatic when it comes to people who don’t prefer natural hair and women who still perm their hair….it gets ridiculous at times…..some people were disrespectful on the last post after you voiced not to be. Anyway kudos to the both of you. I enjoyed reading both of the post.

  3. MelaninEnriched says:

    Well said. I think this should have been the initial post. I think the “raw” and unscripted initial post threw a lot of people off. I’ll speak for myself and say that it did for me. So, I think THIS is a post that I can thoroughly digest and respect.

  4. If my man had the same ‘nappy ish’ growing out of his scalp, and had the nerve to tell me to go relax my hair – which has never been relaxed in my whole 19 years on this planet – there would be an issue, I don’t deal with people with self hate towards thing people can’t change, it doesn’t matter if you bleach your skin, relax or fry your hair straight, you will NEVER have hair like an asian or white or east indian woman with straight hair – you will just look like a pathetic wannabe with your crispy nasty relaxed hair that doesn’t move. LOL

    You call it a preference, does that mean you prefer men to have straight hair aswell? because your hair is nappy sweety, it’s nappy. It isn’t wavy, it ain’t “good hurr” it’s nappy, 4B hair.

    Though I don’t even know why I am getting offended, I am biracial, with 3B hair, and light skin – the kind of hair self hating negroes fawn over. LOL

    However that doesn’t change the fact that your preference for straight hair extends to not only women with straight hair, but men aswell.

    1. shantafabulous says:

      Girrrrrrl stop. You can’t pull someone’s self-hate card and then perpetuate it. Perhaps you were being sarcastic running down your classifications but I don’t see how that’s helping your point.

      1. It was sarcasm and partially true. There is really no reason for me to get offended when I fit 99% of black mens physical prefence. It’s just the truth, just showing her that it isn’t only naturals with hair like hers getting personally offended.

        1. Elizabeth says:

          Girl bye! O_O… wow .. you are just so young

    2. CheleLaBelle says:

      What purpose does, “Though I don’t even know why I am getting offended, I am biracial, with 3B hair, and light skin – the kind of hair self hating negroes fawn over. LOL” serve in your comment. It appears that you feel that because you are biracial with 3B Hair, and light skinned that you are superior to anyone who does not fit that description. Frankly, you are feeding into the very same frame of thinking that causes people to think that “look” any more beautiful than the dark skinned 4b. One more thing, the same “self-hating negroes” probably have been called names and had negative reinforcement from individuals like yourself. You are young and have some growing to do.

      1. Because it makes you insecure that someone has those features?

        Hun she’s the one in other comments saying people were getting ‘personally offended’ as if the only women offended were darkies, with 4B hair such as herself. (since you’re okay with his disdain for 4B hair like yours, and his – you don’t mind if I call you darkies right? same thing.)

        The thing is; I am biracial – there is nothing for me to ‘feed into’ I am SUPPOSE to look the way I look. Like my mother, and my father. Like anyone else. However she isn’t suppose to have silky straight hair, just like her nappy headed man isn’t suppose to have silky straight hair. Having a disdain for that texture of hair aswell as darker skin (which she claimed he did on LHCF – Yes I am there too babe) is having a disdain for features they have themselves.

        I can dislike dark skin, nappy hair, black hair, blonde hair, ect. whatever I want as long as it’s not a feature I have then it’s not SELF-hate because it’s nothing something I posess mySELF.

        1. CheleLaBelle says:

          Your features or anyone else with such features in no way, makes me insecure. The type of comments you make and your use of the term “darkie” is what keeps those who have low self esteem from accepting themselves (the point you missed in my original comment). And yes, I feel darkie is an offensive term, as well as those demeaning terms that have used to describe biracial individuals (which there is no purpose to list). Just remember, not everyone has high self esteem whether it be because of their race, hair, size, etc and that for you to be someone who does, you should use that in a positive manner rather than flaunt it.

        2. Elizabeth says:

          Woah woah , nah you just making stuff up. I said BEFORE ME he DATED light skin chicks… i NEVER said he hated or disliked darker skin.. the man has a PREFERENCE….

          I understand your trying to “win” the debate, but don’t start making things up

        3. This YOUNG lady here truly has some issues and has MANY years of growing up to do. Throwing around ignorant terms and comments is showing her age and lack of respect and education about self acceptance and being a black woman as a whole. Clearly your parents were lacking in some areas of raising you or you just weren’t paying attention because you were so busy being “fawned” over.

  5. You’re right… My fiance isn’t all lovey on my natural hair but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t help me with it or love me. We naturals get so emo about it. lol

  6. Funny and well said!!!

  7. shantafabulous says:

    What’s messed up about this whole situation is that we’ll never know what your “dislike” really means because we are not you girlfriend. We’re bringing own ideas to it. You may not like her hair but you could be making a point not to make your gf feel bad about her decision to be natural. You may genuinely compliment her when you do see a style you like or you could be telling her to relax it every chance you get. Who knows? Thanks for sharing your opinion.

  8. born2bnatural says:

    I enjoyed reading your response. I don’t agree with the statement that it’s just hair. For some of us because of our life experiences, hair is more than just hair. I was chased home because of the hair that was mine via genetics. I cut my hair very short for that incident and others like it. I have come full circle, and I embrace the same hair that contributed to my various life experiences.

    Society is a contributor to the issues that are surfacing about our hair. I believe it’s good we have civil discussions about our hair because civil discussions will help us all grow.

  9. Yolanda Reed says:

    I loved both post, I have done everything to my hair, didn’t get a perm until I wanted one, and when I was tried of the perm I went back to my natural curls, Being a black women we can do almost anything to our hair most women can’t. I have been with men who loved the straight hair, but can’t stop looking at me now that i’m natural,and when I do put heat to it,I have men say no,I love those kinky curls, please where it like that. WE CAN WHERE IT LONG OR CUT IT OFF, Don’t make your hair who you are, let your hair be a part of you.

  10. There was so much truth in this post.

    I also agree that hair is not just hair…shoot, I treat my hair like a freaking baby.
    But people take it too far…as long as a man isn’t constantly making disparaging and hurtful remarks about your hair, I really don’t see a reason to be mad.

    The way some women talk, you would think that they didn’t have preferences themselves.

  11. I want to say I respect your opinion but I disagree with it. First off, her natural hair is NOT a hairstyle, it’s how her hair grows out of her head. Braids, twists, buns – those are hairstyles to have an opinion about. Her natural hair is part of who she is and if you don’t like it, that shit should be a non-negotiable. That’s like dating someone and going, “you’re great, but I hate your nose. I’ll tolerate it though.” Wth?

    My girl had a perm when we first got together. She wouldn’t leave the house unless it was straight and silky. A few years ago she decided to go natural, without hesitation I got behind her. Because I love her, I love all of her. The way God made her. And honestly, her going natural has made both of our lives better. Its filtered into every aspect of it. We’re eating healthier, living healthier AND it takes her literally half the time to get ready before we go out lol. But the most important change is in her, her self esteem has gone through the roof, bro. You have to be able to appreciate a woman thats completely confident and comfortable with herself, all of herself. And shouldn’t all men want that for our black women? This isnt about black women with natural hair using it as a crutch, its about black women loving the way God made them. Since going natural my girl wears LESS make up. We take walks in the rain, we swim in the ocean. We be livin b.

    What I’m really curious about is how you plan on teaching your daughters (who will presumably have nappy hair too) to love themselves if they hear you talking about how silky straight hair has your heart?

    1. Danielle Cato says:

      My goodness your awesome.Have a brother? cousin? friend? nephew? lol jk

    2. Gabby's Angry Black Man says:

      ~sigh~ I don’t know how a discussion on hair selection became one of love, race and struggle but I’ll indulge.

      Once again, it seems you’re equating self worth with hair. You say “her hair is part of who she is” and I agree, but let me ask you this: if she loses a limb or any other part that is physically “part of who she is” (God forbid) will you love her any less? You support your woman? So do I and not just with talk but also with money. You love your woman? So do I, ask her she’ll tell you. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t love of a spiritual nature? If so, then why are we measuring it by a physical appearance? I thought that was lust. You say your woman had a perm when you all first met, do you love her any less since she changed her hair? Would you love her any less if she decided she wanted to go back to a perm? The point I’m making is this: my girl’s worth is on the inside not on the outside. That physical part changes, ages, etc. My love doesn’t. Now do I have my preferences on the physical, liking some things more than others? Sure, just as you do and every woman who reads this thread does. That’s what makes us human. You say I should “appreciate a woman thats completely confident and comfortable with herself.” Trust me brother, I do. Though it would seem from the responses that confidence is exactly what a lot of the women are missing, replacing confidence in their character with pride in their hair. A confident woman will be just that, whether natural or permed, long flowing hair or bald. Some of the women speak of the vanity and stereotypes of society, but have become the superficial monsters they were fighting against, summing up themselves in an outward appearance. “If you don’t like my hair, you don’t like me!” “If you don’t like my nose, you don’t like me!” How about “If you don’t like me for who I am on the inside, you don’t like me!” The hair comes with the package. You’ve summed up an entire personality, the whole being of a person, in a strand of hair! With that being said I sincerely wish the best to you and yours! And if my daughter decided to have nappy hair, permed hair, black hair, red hair, long hair or a bald head, that’s her preference and it wouldn’t change my love towards her. What I would be more concerned about as a father would be my daughter gauging her self worth based on her hair follicles. I want my daughter to be confident in her spiritual things. Her father’s love, her confidence, her character and spirituality are the roots and bulk of of the tree. The physical is merely the branches and fruits.

  12. 1. Your boo is FINE. That has nothing to do with either post but I just wanted to let you know.

    2. I love how he came back and clarified his point. To be honest I didn’t like the first article. It was a rough conversation that should have been edited into an interview as oppose to copying it entirely.

    3. I think this was a great piece to really make people think. I am not offended by another persons preference. I have my own preferences. That is not a “shot” at someone who doesn’t fit into my ideal image, it is just what it is.

    4. We need to stop being so dang sensitive and foolish. I don’t know about others but I AM MORE than just my hair. I am a complex woman with thoughts, ideas, positions who has natural hair but I am not just my natural hair.

  13. lol

    I too did not like the first article as much, but I am glad your BF came back to clarify. I see where he is coming from much better. I agree with most of what he says, but I do think he will find a better woman one day that he will be completely happy with.

    Lizzy, you are too defensive. That is why you had so many negative commments. You like to argue.

    I understand what the light skinned girl was trying to say earlier. She started to get negative due to the negativity that was on this blog in the first place, but she had a point about self hate. I don’t think it should have been said in the manner it was completely, nor directed to the BF. But it was amazing to see how other posters were making asumptions about her and stereotyping her once she described herself.

    This is a little off. But, why is it now the thing to say you have 4a hair with a little 3c and a touch of 3a in the front. LOL isn’t that heat damage? Yes, I know you can have mixed hair textures, but MOST people have a more uniformed texture. Just reminds me of when women lie and say, “oh I’m Black but I have a little Cherokee in me and some Irish.” We all know 4 category hair is nappy. It is not curly. Period. Now if you want to say nappy is a negative word fine. Use kinky. But it is NOT curly.

    Black women need to be okay with their hair, nappy or curly. All these braid outs and twist outs look like IMO that they just want to appear to have a looser curl pattern. Now if you have no problem rocking your god given Afro, then fine do all the twists and what not. But too many Black women go natural hoping and praying and wishing they will get some Taren916 on Youtube curls. When that isn’t the case, they either do all kinds of manipulation to their “natural” hair, or glop gell and curl activator on it to make it appear like a different texture.

    Which is why the BF had a right to say what he did. I think he notices this too from the natural hair community. SOme women claim they are natural and love themselves, but they are still not over their issues or they wouldn’t be buying a different product every week to make their non existent curls “pop.”

    And for the last time, it is just HAIR. People want to blame all kinds of issues on hair and black men and slavery. Yes it is fine to know how something happened or what caused an issue. But you have to take responsibility for YOUR issue and make a decision to change how YOU treat your own hair.

    1. Elizabeth says:

      I appreciate your input but lets not jump to conclusions. The only people that i got defensive on were the ones who started throwing out insults.

      I never said i was 3a.. i wouldn’t say that cuz its a lie. I have even stated in a lot of my post that i have heat damage at the very front of my hair. I am a 3c/4a but honestly hair typing doesnt matter to me that’s why you would rarely see me address it on here.

      Also, very few people where born with an afro. My hair , my NAKED hair is not an afro, its curly and i can show you a picture of it if you like. The afro is just another hairstyle. I very seldom wear my wash n go because it causes ssks but nobody and i mean nobody is walking around with their hair how it just grows out their scalp.

      Everybody has manipulated their hair in some kind of way and i mean that for every race, not just AAs. A

      A twistout, its a style… an afro, its a style… a braidout, its a style.. all of 3 of these have manipulated the hair in some kind of way whether its with a comb or with gel. So i disagree with your statement that says people are trying to change their texture.

      Now while some maybe, IMO people are just styling their hair..

  14. I love it! I didn’t understand why some women in there needed to attack/criticize your relationship. That alone shows insecurity and some youre of unfulfilled destiny on their part. Strictly, the previous interview should have been taken at face value, furthur analysis was not needed. The previous blog showed how weak and vulnerable some women are but oh well, they’re some one elses problem. you two look cute together and should get married!

    1. Excuse the typos, I swyped this

  15. I find it very interesting how he didn’t bother to make a post when you asked him to, but wrote this long ass essay only once his ego was bruised by the last set of comments. That speaks a lot about his character and the amount of support he has for you. Things that make you go hmm…

  16. I just want to say that I have had the best laughs ever at the comments on both posts. Ppl are “outta control” so quick to basically describe him as closed minded when they in fact are being closed minded by not allowing him his preferences & opinions. IF all he did was harass you about ur hair all day/everyday I would say, “Leave him girl.” but I imagine the topic doesnt come up often, so what does it matter??? My guy friend absolutely despises the Atlanta Falcons, whereas I am a season ticket holder w/ Falcons paraphernalia EVERYWHERE that he always threatens to burn… should I leave him cause he doesnt love what I love??? Naw, I enjoy the sex 2 much!

  17. And let the church say….

    These are my sentiments exactly. I was at my desk shouting at this post.

    I once was up in arms that my boo didn’t like my natural hair. In all fairness when he met me, i had a relaxer, then a few months later, I went all India Arie on him. He always said, I don’t like your hair, but I like you. I didn’t get that. After a while, it finally sunk in…. I am more than a hairstyle. He’s not with me solely on my hair and if he was, he’d have peaced out a long time ago.

    I could quote so many things said in this post, but let’s just say I am shouting hallelujah. Tis all.

  18. LOL @ the girl who said that your boo is fine, he is a handsome devil – maybe that’s the cause of all the hateration and holleration….in this dancerie? LMAO

    I, too, can lay claim to my share of viperous statements in hair forums, but dayum, the women in here are acid…but I digress.

    Gabby’s Angry Black Man’s response was articulate and was delivered well. I think this ongoing argument further demonstrates why women and men really don’t get each other. Dude has a preference, he likey the shiney hair – so what? Have we forgotten that we’ve been acculturated to like the same? Alot of women don’t immediately love what’s growing out of their head, why are we surprised if some men don’t either?

    I agree with the guy, let she without sin cast that first bottle of perm. The mere fact that we roll around ‘typing’ our hair and styling it so it can look more curly means we still got issues – or does it? Maybe it’s just preference! You know, like free will. Like my free will allows me to weave, straighten, shave bald and loc my hair and have a preference for men that look like Idris Elba? Yeah.

    The natural hair evangelism has got to stop. The same way you ignore those people with pamphlets who come knocking on your door is the same effect rendered when you push the natural hair concept down people’s throats, giving them the choice to ‘love natural or die!’. It’s not cute and defeats the intended purpose.

    If God blesses you with life, you get three score and ten, maybe more – do you know how many hairstyles you can cover in 70 years! It’s the beauty of being a woman, change is a wonderful thing:)

  19. Ms. Juannie says:

    i loved both posts from your boyfriend. I totally agree with him. We like what we like. you cant knock him for that. loved the jokes too!
    p.s. liana shut the fuck up! we get it you’re nineteen and you have virgin hair. no one asked you to like her man. no one cares if you dont like him. Key thing being he’s her man. you dont have to date him. so shut up and move on we already heard your ignorant ass opinions.

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